On a Journey

Ha ha, my title just made me think of Anastasia.

Here I am on the eve of Christmas, trying to get settled into my room. I have lived in this apartment for more than a month, and there are still several boxes that are waiting to be unpacked. My life is crazy. While unpacking I found my favorite journal from when I was in Masters Commission. Its covers from the start of the year at retreat, to when we left for Del Mar in May. The most transformational, intense 9 months of my life so far

I can literally see a transformation taking place in myself as I read through it. The first few pages are all about how I hate how selfish I am, how I need to sacrifice and surrender, and let go. I talk about being tired (because I was fighting with the enemy ALL THE TIME). At one point I asked Jesus if I could just stop for a little while, because I couldn't fight anymore, and it would have been so much easier just to walk away, and live a normal life. I read this journal now and see that there are small pieces of truth mixed in with a whole lot of religion; none of the truths were powerful to me at the time, because I wasn't empowered to use them.
And that's where this is going; I am making a point about how dangerous it is to live redeemed unto the law, but not romanced and reveled unto relationship. (alliteration!)
Actually I am making several points about several things, but that is one of them.

Living a life that is only half redeemed sucks, I know because I lived it for a while.

My thoughts about myself, and the Lord looked like this:

"I suck. I sin. I am a sinner, and I suck. I need to die to my flesh. I need to yield I to I am. I need to get rid of all of me. I hate me. I need to live a life free from sin, because if I don't then ________ (God wont love me, I won't able to stay where I am, I will lose the approval of the people I love, I will [ultimately] go to hell, I will be sad, I will just continue to get worse, I will fall into sin and I won't be able to get out and I will become demonically oppressed and there will be no hope for me, I will not be able to fulfill my destiny, I will not be able to impress people/The Lord, I will lose my Joy/hope/peace/patience/kindness/goodness, I will end up on the path to HELL) I don't know how to live a life free of sin, it is hard, and there is very little incentive. Satan attacks me all the time and I don't know how to defend myself. I fight him, and I lose. I am afraid that I am not doing enough. I need to work harder. I need to be an armor bearer, and I need to do things for my leaders to impress them and make them like me so that they will promote me and I can do more for the Lord. (Thereby earning more approval from godman). I need to get saved
again. I need to be more like _________ because they please the Lord. I am not ________ enough (beautiful, talented, eloquent, smart, funny, likeable, personable, biblical, religious) to ___________ (change the world, effect a life, move mountains, heal the sick, raise the dead, be a pastor, teacher, prophet, evangelist, apostle, to have a dream). I hear a lot about how people's dreams never come true, but that it's ok if they don't. If this is true then what is the point of dreaming? I will just make someone else's dream come true, and then I will begin to dream for my own life. But I love Jesus, and He loves me."

I can't imagine that my mindset was that much different than most people in church right now. That was just the beginning of the year! And then slowly, I can see revelation coming through from Jesus. There are about 6 pages of notes from the Kingdom Culture that I live in now; they are my favorite pages J. I want to share that revelation with you. It's good stuff that has made my life so much better. I make some large sweeping statements, so if one of them offends you, take the meat and leave the bones.

First: God didn't send Jesus to save you, He sent Him to kill you. Old things have passed away behold, all things have become new. Baptism is the ultimate reflection of that action. Your old man is dead, so quit resurrecting him and blaming him for your sin. Confront sin, and overcome it. It is your right as a child of the King to kick the enemy out of your palace.

Second: God likes you. You. Not you who does this and that, and loves that and this, just You. He loves you apart from what you do and the sins you like. He loves you. There was no you, and then He made you, and there you are. Me personally, I don't make things I don't like. I don't think God does either. And nothing that we do can make us more pleasing to Him. We are His children, and therefore He loves us, even if we don't clean our room.

Third: while it is important to yield our will to the Lord, it is even more important that our will reflects His will. And His will is that what is done in heaven be done on the earth. I am going to make a broad sweeping statement here: If you are doing something that brings the reality of heaven to earth, then you are doing God's will. Not only that but your dreams and desires were put in you for a reason. So you like to dance, draw, paint, create, write, act, speak, work, plan, negotiate, relate, delegate, and whatever? Great, now take that and use it to bring heaven to earth.

Fourth: I have to believe that God doesn't want me to be miserable. If "dying to your flesh" is beginning to look like letting someone else control your destiny, move.

Fifth, and finally: Live a righteous life out of Love. Don't try to be sin-free out of fear, it won't work. Live a life that is pleasing unto the Lord, talk to Him about it, ask Him questions! When we allow God to romance us we move from the "fear of godman" to the "fear of the Lord". This is what that looks like for me:

"Jesus I love you, and you love me, and right now we are so close. I love this intimacy, and I love it when you teach me things. I love to play and giggle and dance with you. I love this. I love it when you work in me, and I love that I am IN you, I love that wherever I go you are in me and you can speak through me and release your powerful love. I love it when you show me things. I love it when I am talking to someone and I can see you in them! You are beautiful. You have captured my heart, and you have ruined me to all other lovers.
I want nothing but you, and more of you."

And in that reality, sin sucks, because if I sin, I have to let go of my beloved, and that is something that I am simply unwilling to do. I won't lay down my blessing to take up offense. And when I know who I am, seated with Christ in heavenly places, suddenly Satan seems really lame. Like a real slick salesman with a product that will kill you, a good negotiator with no follow through, a pauper, not a prince, a thief, not a philanthropist. He's the guy that's taking everybody's inheritance, and that's illegal!

So seriously kids, don't live the half redeemed life. It's no fun, living in the struggle. Come into who you are in Christ, a new creation, You are the one that He adores.

This is a list that I made in December 2007. One year later and I have everything that I asked for.

Bill Johnson asked us to make this list at the end of a sermon he gave on the very last Sunday in 2007.

He said ask for practical things, faith stretching things, and faith exploding things.

God gave me all of those things, and much, much more. I love Him. I love that my heart explodes with thankfulness when I look at the past year of my life.

I love this journey.

 

Intense!

Wow, its been a long time since I have written anything. 

Well here I am, 8 days til Christmas. 

My cards are not sent, my gifts are not wrapped. 

I haven't bought anything for anyone. 

And yesterday we finally got a tree.

And I am actually kind of proud of all of that. 

I have no desire to give into the crazy pace of this consumer driven holiday. 

Listen, if you get your card after Christmas, and that makes you think less of me... I don't care. 

I am only sending it to you because I love you, the holiday has very little to do with it.

 

In other news it is 2am. I just woke up from an 8 hour nap during which I had some intense dreams that involved car accidents, raising the dead, and a trip to Heaven. It was flippin' crazy. 

And then I woke up, caught up on my google reader, and made Pokemon Mac and Cheese. 

I have to go to work in 7 hours. boo. 

I have been listening to Coldplay in my car lately 

(just one of the many advantages of having a car made in this century)

I love the last song, Death and all his friends, at about the 2:30 mark the music swells and the lyrics are amazing:

"No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end 
I don't want a cycle of recycled revenge
I don't wanna follow death and all his friends." 

The funny thing about Coldplay lyrics is that they can mean anything to anyone. 

What do they mean to you?

My Christmas wish...

This is what its all about.

Each of us finding our unique ethical rhythm.

Convince the earth that we are not here.

Show other nations that they are just as worthy as we are.

Show the less fortunate that we care about their needs. 

Pay a fair price for a great product.

Inspire, grow, and share something more tangible than hope.

Give a little bit...

http://www.oxfamamericaunwrapped.com/

Hearts of San Francisco

I carry your heart with me

I carry it in my heart

I am never without it

Anywhere I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling
I fear no fate

For you are my fate, my sweet

I want no world

For beautiful you are my world,my true

and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart

I carry it in my heart 

ee cummings 

Holy moley, Life is so good, aka a blog about how bad it could be.

Just thought I would put some things into perspective because Americans can get all whiny and selfish this season. We are amongst the most privileged people in the world. I am really tired of people complaining about the poor economy and the down turn in the market because guess what:

 Your situation may be difficult but it could be so much worse.

Over 400,000 have been killed and 2,500,000 displaced in the Darfur region of Sudan. The displaced are living in camps with little food or water in Darfur and in Chad. $1.00 feeds a large family for one day.

In Sub-Saharan Africa there are almost 25 million people living with HIV, of whom over 2 million are children under the age of 15. In 2006 alone, almost 8,000 adults and children died of AIDS each day.

India has 456 million people, 41.6% of its population is living below the new international poverty line of $1.25 per day. The World Bank further estimates that 33% of the global poor now reside in India. Moreover, India also has 828 million people, or 75.6% of the population living below $2 a day.

The US standard of poverty is about $28 a day

 I could throw out some images of starving children but that doesn't seem right.

My point is that WE ARE SO BLESSED. And we should be sharing our blessing with the world.

There is enough wealth in the world to meet everyone’s need,

 But not everyone’s greed.

Here is a link to Doctors without Boarders

http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/

Read about them and maybe donate to their program or pray in their needs.

And Happy Thanksgiving!

I love this, it makes my heart want to explode!

PS22 Chorus performs VIVA LA VIDA by Coldplay
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_tcE4rWovI

Shepherd's Pie

I made shepherd’s pie, from scratch, without a recipe. Just thought I would get that out there.

Currently watching Harry Potter, I watched the most recent movie the other night and there are more biblical parallels than I can count, and if you have read the last book then you know that Harry dies to defend his friends and by doing so he effectively conquers evil in the world. Sorry if I just ruined that for you, but seriously, you haven’t read the book yet? You are waiting for the movie? That’s so lame. Anyway, I said all that to say that the author of the HP books wouldn't reveal the end of the series even though the religious right said that her books "were of the devil.",
In other words she kicks ass, and she is very brave.

I am going to Susie V this weekend to take Sara to my Dad’s, if he really is my dad, lol. I can’t decide if I want to go to church or not, part of me thinks it will hurt too much. Bill told a story on Sunday to illustrate that so much of the Christian life is already paid for, we are just sitting on our hands waiting for one more thing; one more sign, one more wonder, and then we will live the life of faith and communion that we were destined for.

I have been trying to come up with a one liner that could sum all my feelings up, but I can’t.

Off to bed.

AT&T Sucks

As the title may have mentioned, AT&T Sucks!

 

I had to wait a week to get our internet switched over and now its still not working and it was easier for me to steal someone else’s than it was to hook up my own.

So here I am using secondhand internet, and I would call AT&T but their hold music is AWEFUL. You know when you get in an elevator at a casino and they have really cheesy jazz music playing a little too loud? Well take that and pair it with every Lamb Chops song you have ever heard, played at volume level slightly higher than a screaming two year old. If you can imagine that then you are on the outskirts of just how horrendous this music is. 

So here I sit, on the borrowed slightly slow internet. I have to leave for work in 30 minutes and I am still in my pajamas. Lovely.

In other news, I bought a car. Its  a 2006 Mazda 3 and it is silver. I am very happy.

The end.

Stop, Collaborate and Listen.

Today I promised myself that I would write here more. 

For me really, not for anyone else; though your feedback is appreciated.

I feel that there is a huge change taking place inside of me. I am not sure if this is good or bad. But I know that I am not the same person today that I was about three months ago. This has very little to do with Bethel and more to do with living in the real world for more than a few minutes. Things are hard out here! My mom has cancer. My sister is mad, and she is leaving to live with my dad. My dad is an idiot, I have told this too him to his face several times, so don’t worry, that’s not gossip. I don’t know where all my friends have run off too, almost certainly to live lives that are much more enjoyable than mine.  I do not have a charmed life.

On top of all of that, this election has made me question what I believe and more importantly why I believe it. I voted for Barak Obama. There I said it. I would go into an extensive explanation of why, but it’s just not worth the effort because I can’t win with everyone.

Yesterday I posted a bulletin about people sending me emails assaulting Barak Obama’s character. Honestly these emails swayed me to the left, rather than the right. I don’t understand how people who stand for truth can promulgate so many rumors and lies! 

And then I started thinking about my programming. You see I have been reading these books set in the future where doctors can program minds to be less aggressive, more agreeable and positive, thereby making them very passive and enjoyable to be around. Alternately they can also enhance traits to make super aggressive violent people. The thing is that all the people in this book have no idea that their mind has been messed with; it just feels natural to them. Only a handful of doctors know that they are controlling the population through this surgery. Think about this. We were not born predisposed to our opinions, every leason we ever learned shaped and molded us into who we are now. 

Who and what were you shaped by? 

And are you ok with the shape you are in?

The fourth disrict.

I just heard an ad on the radio that encouraged “Real Americans” To go down to “Gun Store A” and buy a gun before they are outlawed in America.

Only minutes later I overheard this conversation:

“You know what my husband said? He just can’t believe that America has stooped low enough to elect a black president. He’s not racist or anything, he just can’t believe it!”

“Oh I know, and you know that there is nothing we can do about it! He has the senate and the house. Personally I am thinking about moving to Norway, where capitalism is still alive.”

Wait, what?
While I would love to pick apart the idiosyncrasies of this conversation, I can’t because I am still at work. Blogging at work, about work is probably worse than just blogging about your work from the comfort of your own home.

Thoughts:

"Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive"

I bought Justin Nozuka's album Holly yesterday. It was absolutely worth the 10.00 that I paid for it, and if he called me tomorrow and asked for an extra five bucks, I would give it to him in the blink of an eye.

Starbucks Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate is amazing, and tastes great when made with soy, which is a huge plus!

The new episodes of Grey's Anatomy are far too simple. Where did the depth go?

I have to go to work tomorrow. Danny Silk made me want to quit my job tonight and just love Jesus. Is this a good idea? In this kingdom, no; in the other one (you know, that one) probably.

Kris Valloton’s message this morning was amazing. It totally shifted my views on just about everything, and I love it. I don’t know anyone else who can change my mind without offending my spirit. (Except Bill.)

I need to go to bed because my sister wakes up at 5 am to get ready, thus waking me up as well.

So I figure I could just go to bed earlier, so I can get up earlier and be more productive. This probably won’t work.

Definitely won’t work, but it’s worth a try.

Good Night.

On growing up...

After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, here’s what I’ve decided: There’s no such thing as a grown-up.
We move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own. But the basic insecurities, the basic fears, and all those old wounds just grow up with us. And just when we think that life and circumstance have forced us to truly, once and for all, become an adult… your mother says something…

We get bigger, we get taller, we get older. But, for the most part, we’re still a bunch of kids, running around the playground, trying desperately to fit in.

I’ve heard that it’s possible to grow up. I’ve just never met anyone who’s actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don’t go our way.
We whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we Hope… against all logic, against all experience. Like children, we never give up hope.

You arn't the only one who hears your prophecy

I was listening to a Kris Vallotton message on my iPod yesterday at work. He said so much good stuff I cant even begin to summarize it all. But my title is one of the things that struck a chord with me. I actually found myself laughing out loud, which brought some strange looks from my co-workers. Satan listens to your prophecy, and he will do everything in his power to keep it from coming to pass.

And that is where I am now.

C A N C E R

I hate that word and everything that it means. Because in reality, cancer is so much more than a disease. It is a tool of the forces of darkness. Satan wields cancer like a sword, and he is using it to destroy millions of people every single year. The numbers are astonishing. And we as a country have been backed into a corner in fear of it. We are trying everything in our power to keep ourselves free from this ultimate betrayal, the rebellion of our body against itself.

My mom was diagnosed yesterday; on the same day a close friend of mine lost his mom to breast cancer. This should make you angry, because this is not acceptable. It is our job as apostles to change things. In heaven there is no cancer. And we are all called to make the kingdoms of this world the Kingdom of our God.

To all of you who are praying for my mom, thank you. But this is bigger than just her. This is a spirit that needs to be bound up and sent to bow before the throne of Jesus. I encourage all of you to fast a meal and pray for the spirit of cancer to be absolutely destroyed in the earth.

Dependent.

Tonight I was given 4 words of knowledge.
I left church feeling great, absolutly spinning over Jesus, and He was dancing over me.
As it turns out, God was giving me a life boat before the storm started.

I spent the next four and a half hours in the hospital with my mom.
I spent most of this time convincing her to keep her blood preasure monitor on.
And then I drove her home, and went to the drug store to fill her perscriptions
Where they let me fill $280.00 in perscriptions for her, but wouldn't alow me to use her credit card to buy a $5.00 pill holder.
And now I am waiting for her to fall asleep so I can go home and do the same.

I was under the impression that all of this wouldn't start until my mid fourties.
I keep reminding myself that this is not what it means to grow old.
This is what happens when you use meth for 30+ years.
Forgiveness is all I can focus on right now,
I absolutly can not afford to let bitterness take root in my life, again.


His Love never, ever, ever fails.

King of my love.

I just found this song by Jonotha Brook (http://www.jonathabrooke.com/)
I think its such a pretty picture of a romance with Jesus.

I'll be the Queen of your heart, Dear
You'll be the King of my love
I'll deal through that whole deck to find you
And You'll wait for my time to come.
I've lived a lone life dear without you
I played a lone hand all the way;
I ached when I lost, I pretended to laugh;
But I felt more like crying these days.
Since you come and stood there beside me
And told me my best way to play
Your hand touched mine and the sunshine did shine
And we left that whole card house next day.

I'll be the Queen of your heart, Dear
You'll be the King of my love
I'll deal through that whole deck to find you
And You'll wait for my time to come.

I tossed off my cardhouse costumery
I slipped on my sweet cotton dress
You're king of our house here my darling
No turn of a cardhand can wreck.
You're king of my big sunny smile now
You're king of my red rosy cheeks
I'm queen of this cradle that rocks here
No joker can steal me away.

I'll be the Queen of your heart, Dear
You'll be the King of my love
I'll deal through that whole deck to find you
And You'll wait for my time to come

Isnt it fun that even though people dont mean too they can create something that glorifies The Creator?

I think it is.

"We are going to start going to church"

I love craigslist. I absolutly love it. Today I bought two bookcases for $20. They are the perfect size, a little scratched up, but who cares? I needed them and the price was right!

I got lost going to get them, but was pleasently suprized when I pulled up to this random little triplex. The triplex was brand new and surrounded by some really old houses and barns, so it looked a little funny. I was even happier when I pulled up to these peoples house and saw that they were members of the Sierra Club, lol becuase you can pretty much bet that any member of the Sierra Club is either A: From the Bay Area, or B: Far enough left that they could move to the Bay Area and be happy as a pig in mud. In talking to the lady that sold me the bookcases, I found out that she is from Santa Clara, loves hiking, and studies Kabala. She even invited me to join her Kabala (Am I spelling that right?) group that meets on Thursdays to eat Hummus and talk about politics, new age thinking, and the Kabala of course. Honestly, she could have just said 'There is free hummus" and I would have been in for sure, but the rest of it sounds interesting too! Just a few minutes later she asked me why I had moved to Redding and I told her that I was here to go to Bethel Church. I am pretty sure that this freaked her out. Oh well. When she asked me what kind of church it was the word apostolic got stuck in my throat, I had said half the word when I realized that I only half grasp the word apostolic, so why should this lady understand my Christianeze? Its the free kind of church, I told her, the kind with a great culture and a lot of freedom. It was the best I could come up with in a jam. You could check it out if you wanted, I told her. "Ya, actually we are going to start going to church" she told me. This is the statement I keep thinking about, over and over, and over. We are going to start going to church. Like, I am going to start taking a yoga class, or I am going to go to college. We are going to start going to church. This makes no sense to me, and yet I think it means a lot.

You see I guess up to this point I thought that going to church was something you had to convince people to do.

I never thought that maybe, the idea was alreaddy in the back of most peoples minds, and they were waiting for the right opportunity to act on it.

No one would have to convince me to take a yoga class, if the opportunity arose I would go happily. Could this idea be the same with church?

Yes. Maybe if we could offer people the opportunity to go to church with no questions asked, with no preasure on, maybe if we made them feel welcome, and treated them as though they were wanted, maybe, just maybe they would actually like being in the presence of The Living God. Maybe their hearts would be touched and their burdens lifted.



I think that if we pair a welcoming spirit with a powerful presence, we would get somewhere.



Thats all.

Litte stressed, a lot blessed.

Mmmmm my life is so good. Sometimes I have to take a step back and look at it and think of how blessed I really am. And when things come along and make life hard, I have to remember that there are no good seasons without bad seasons to compare them to. There is a lack of contrast if everything goes according to plan. Nothing grows on top of a mountain.

So even though I pretty much dislike my job, and it gives me massive headaches every day
And even though my family is falling apart, and I dont know if this is good or bad
And even though I am in debt up to my eyeballs, and will continue to be, unless something drastic takes place. And even though I feel sick and have a funny bump that hurts on my leg....

Today is a great day, because I am alive! And because He is Alive! And in Him, I live and move and have my being. In Him I am free live, I am free to give, I am free to be, I am free to love.

Yay God!

:)

Only you can prevent forest fires!

Ew. Smoke.

What the heck is going on around here?

He is breaking me, and I am all tangled up trying to hold on to the pieces.

It is so sad, so true how I am learning to trust and refusing to let go all at once.

I am so very human.

Let go... I am trying

Let go... what does that mean?

Let go... choosing to hold nothing is choosing to have everything.

Yeild I to I Am.


On a lighter note, today I started writting down prayers for one of my co workers who seems kinda depressed and he just started laughing when I realeased JOY over him. And he just kept laughing, and he didnt even know why! lol it was sooo good!

I am trying to let Him uncover the very best version of me.

I am trying to remember that the clay doesn't give the potter imput.

I am trying to stop thinking so much.

Because when I think with my mind I give into confusion,

but when I focus with my spirit He creates clarity.

There is a river.

So I started my new job yesterday! Its pretty awesome, and I think it will be pretty simple once I figure everything out.

I have been reading and studying about fair trade and exploited workers in third world countries A LOT lately. One of the books suggested going through your closest and making a tally sheet of the differant brands you have, and how many items of each brand you own. The end result was this:
Your clothes hurt people.

I am still trying to put this together in my head.
Everyone is a big word.

Jobs, and better Jobs.

There is an offering reading that Bethel does sometimes...
it goes like this

OFFERING OF THANKS #1
As we receive today's offering
We are believing the Lord for:
Jobs and better jobs,
Raises and bonuses
Benefits Sales and commissions
Favorable settlements
Estates and inheritances
Interests and income
Rebates and returns
Checks in the mail
Gifts and surprises
Finding money
Debts paid off
Expenses decrease
Blessing and increase
Thank You, Lord, for meeting all of my financial needs that I may havemore than enough to give into the Kingdom of God and promote the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
Hallelujah!!!!!!

So we read this in church about a week ago and... I think it might be working! Imagine that... prayers answered! :) I had an interveiw today with Wells Fargo, a call back about a job at a furnature store that I am going to at 3:30 today, and an email about a written exam for another job working for the county. The thing is that if Wells Fargo moves me on in the interveiw process and this lady at the furnature store offers me a job today I dont know what I will do! I know that the people at the bank liked me and were possibly impressed by me, but if I pass up this other job with the store in order to move forward with the bank, what if the bank doesnt end up offering me a job!

And then I remember that God doesnt give broken blessings. If He wants me to work at Wells Fargo, then that is where I will work. If He wants me to work at the furnature store, then I will work there, and if both of those fall out then maybe its the county I am supposed to be working for, and I will go there! :0 But what about... rent?

Trust and Obey, there is no other way than to trust and obey.

Scrabble. <3

Independence Day is over, and I think it may have been the best one ever.
Even though it was firework free. :(

I cant believe how easy it is to fall in love with the culture here at Bethel.
I keep meeting all of these amazing people who are so in love with God, and I keep hearing the same thing over and over and over again.

YOU ARE FREE TO BE YOU HERE.

And thats a very daunting thing. As amazing as it is, being free to be myself actually requires me knowing myself. And that is still a mystery to me.
So I found this book "Discovering who you are" at the library.
Its really a book of writing assignments that are aimed at discovering the inner me; goody.
So I suppose that will be what I write about here for the next few days.
Not that it matters, because I am pretty sure that only my mom reads this, and she already knows me better than I know myself.

So here goes: Describe you perfect marrage proposal.

First and foremost, NO RED ROSES anywhere in sight. lol
I just erased a whole sentence because I was being to whishy washy. None of that here.
This is what I want. I want my Boyfriend to invite me over to play Scrabble. One, because I love Scrabble. Two because smart people play Scrabble and I want whoever I marry to be smarter than me. And then, while I go to the bathroom, or get water or whatever, He would set up the Scrabble board with letters that ask me to marry him. That would be lovely. And then I would come back into the room and see him putting the last letter in, and accuse him of cheating. And then he would spin the board around (he owns the deluxe version of Scrabble, as all smart people do) and get down on one knee and I would say yes, mostly because he followed these directions so well. Hahahaha.
Then, all of my family and his family would come out of no where and take pictures and clap.

The End.

Its a bit nerdy, but what can I say, thats just me!

Tyler Perry= Seveare irritation

Wells Fargo called me for an interveiw, a real live personal interveiw with the bank manager!
Praise the Lord!

Can I be a Christian and hate Tyler Parry movies? Cause I am and I do.

This crazy lady named roxy invited me to her house tonight, so I am going to take off over there soon.

Shout out to my mom for being the only person who reads my blog :)
Love you mom!

The job search continues...

I have sent my resume to sooo many places. Hey! What if they all call all at once and offer me job after fabulous job, forcing me to have a bidding war for my employment...
highest salary takes this fantastic package of brains and skills....
I can dream cant I ? :)



This is what my outbox looks like as of about 4 minutes ago.

And all I've gotten so far is two interviews and an informational meeting.

One of those interviews was for a furniture store doing auditing. The lady basically said in the interview that she knows she should be paying more, but she knows how hard the job market is, so she figures she can get someone to do it for less. Is that legal? Oh well if it’s not, because I can honestly say that if she offered me the job I would take it in a heartbeat and a half.
Can someone say desperate?

The other interview wasn’t really an interview at all; it was a pre screening for Wells Fargo. That would be a great job, so I really hope I get that one.

Or one of the 6 positions I applied for with Blue Shield of CA.

All of this job searching has had me thinking about what my perfect job would actually be. I can think if two.

#1 Is being Bill Johnson’s personal assistant.
#2 Is either owning my own business, or helping someone else build up their own creative business.

More tomorrow (still spelling it out in my head).

Cracker Barrel

Today is Sun Day. This is my second Sunday in Redding, and I think it is my favorite day of the week. I can’t really explain Sundays at Bethel except to say that I wouldn’t miss them for the world. Today church was SO full because of the worship and revival conference, they even had to open the over flow room! Ray Hughes spoke, and he was talking about sound and declarations. And then he prayed for Cracker Barrels in California. I really love this man, unfortunately towards the end of his sermon I got a massive headache, which was not helped by the near arctic temperatures in the sanctuary.
In other news, I have a cat now.... or at least my new housemates have a cat and I get to live with it. I am totally ok with this, as I get all of the benefits of having a cat, without any of the responsibility. The cats name is Izze. Like the soda pop.
Lots of things are very new right now, new house, new roommates, new cat. New church, new church people, new worship teams, new bulletines.
Still looking for a J O B.



Look its my new kitchen!
Yay for New things, they make my life feel so very full.

Stir Crazy

Ok, so being home all day is going to cause to to lose my mind. I spend all day looking at job listings, half of which are for taking surveys online, or sites that want to steal my resume and send me junk mail. The other half, the legit listings, are being applied to by people with PhD's becuase EVERYONE is looking for a job around here! Now, you may be saying to yourself "Why doesnt Toni just go out and pass out her resume around town. Well apparently you dont live in Redding, or you would know the answer to that question.... Its about 108 degrees during the day and the air quality has gone to crap.... I like to think of it as being a turkey in a smoke house. And, as much as I love smoked turkey, every time I go outside I feel like I am going to throw up or pass out. My greatest fear is that I would do both of these at the same time, causing my vomit to land on my face. Ew.

More about the job search To Mo RR Ow.
(I have to spell out To Mo RR Ow in my head every time I write it, weird huh?)